Since time immemorial, there has being an ubiquitous rule book written by an unknown entity, telling us how we should love, and like sheep, we’ve followed the guidelines without question. This has allowed the aforementioned book on “Loving 101” to suffocate us, and make us love in a way we wouldn’t otherwise go about it.
We seem to have forgotten that love is supposed to liberate and empower us, and leave us feeling like we’ve found a partner to complement us wholly. Rather, we’ve confounded ourselves to these rules and squeezed ourselves into these roles and stereotypes because “it’s just the way the world works.”
What exactly are these stereotypes?
When it comes to love and dating, there’s an unspoken rule and sets of roles we as individuals are expected to play – this is coming from the stand point of a heterosexual relationship. These gender roles have been put in place to tell us what’s acceptable for the both genders to do during courtship.
For example, men are expected to be the “chasers”. They are the Tigers, and women are the gazelles that have to be caught and ravaged. Although, times are changing as women are deciding not to conform and actually “shoot their shots” too, but some people still find it strange and see it as a sad show of desperation.
How these stereotypes stifle us as individuals
Imagine filling out a puzzle and you’re trying to fit in a piece that just doesn’t belong. It’s somewhat similar to making someone fit into a role that is alien to their character. This isn’t to say one should be a horrible, emotionally distant, and aloof partner all because they’re trying to break the mould of being a stereotype. It’s just saying that it is wrong to bash or dehumanize someone for doing something risky and alien to the role their gender is supposed to play when it comes to dating.
For instance, telling a male that it is unmanly to be emotionally vulnerable with his lover as she might take Him to be a sissy and lose interest in him. This isn’t only choking him and enforcing a dated perception of what a man should be, it’s also smothering a very crucial aspect of his humanity.
How and why you should be an outlaw when it comes to love
To be a renegade in love is to love freely, the way you want to as long as it’s in a healthy and fruitful way. It is to not tolerate certain aspects of your partner’s character that bother you because they are normative and “that’s just the way it is.”
It is to normalize emotional vulnerability. It is to normalize the taking and giving of sexual pleasure for both genders as sexual fulfillment and that which isn’t something for only one gender to enjoy, and many other aspects of courtship.
Love is giving yourself wholly to another person and experiencing the same wholeness in return.